A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS? THE KIND OF SHIT THAT'LL DRIVE YOU TO THE BRINK OF IN-FUCKING-SANITY, AND MAKE YOU WANT TO BUTCHER EVERY CUTE AND OTHERWISE ADORABLE DAMN THING THAT MAKES THE UNFORTUNATE MISTAKE OF EVER CROSSING YOUR PATH OF RAGE, INTO MINCE? WELL, I GOT STUCK IN A FUCKING ELEVATOR FOR AN HOUR. A WHOLE FUCKING HOUR OF SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING, AND DAMN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IF THE WALLS HADN'T BEEN PAINTED WITH SOME LEAD-BASED SHIT THAT BLOCKS CELLULAR COMMUNICATIONS! ANYWAY, I'M FUCKING STRANDED, SITTING IN AN ELEVATOR WAITING FOR THE LAZY-FUCKASSES IN MAINTENANCE TO HIT SOME BREAKER THAT BLEW THE FUCK UP. BUT THIS WAS WHEN I REALIZED THAT I ABSOLUTELY HATE BRUSSELS SPROUTS.

YES. THAT'S WHAT OCCURRED TO ME. THEY'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING LITTLE VEGGIE-BALLS THAT TASTE LIKE SHIT HEATED AND BURNED IN AN IRON SKILLET THAT HADN'T BEEN WASHED FOR A MONTH! APPARENTLY BRUSSELS SPROUTS ARE THE MOST DESPISED OF ALL VEGETABLES, BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO BE ALL MAINSTREAM AND SHIT. I HATE THESE LITTLE FUCKING PLANTS WITH A VENGEANCE! IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY NICE MEAL I TRY AND GET, SOME FUCKING RETARD HAS TO GO AND GRADUATE FROM FOODSHIT-SCHOOL AND HE ENDS UP PREPARING IT FOR ME. AND WHAT'S HE THROW ON MY FOOD? FUCKING BRUSSELS SPROUTS! I WOULD RATHER EAT SOMETHING THAT CAME FROM THE BOWELS OF THE OCEANS, SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNIDENTIFIED BY EVEN MODERN FUCKING SCIENCE! EVEN A GODDAMN SLIME PIE! SERIOUSLY.

NOW, I THINK I'LL GO MAKE MYSELF SOME FRIED FRENCH TOAST STICKS TO WASH THE TASTE OF BRUSSELS SPROUTS OUT OF MY BRAIN AND RECOVER. THESE RANTS TAKE A LOT OUT OF ME, YOU KNOW.

THIS WEEK'S RANT BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MAKERS OF FUKITOL: